Re-dating your Ex: The Dangers.
“Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over.” — Guy Finley
Alright, so you have both said your goodbyes. You’ve both had a heck of a time and it was a wild ride while it lasted. A relationship that ended in a swansong of an intense mixture of bittersweet emotions whew! Yes, you had to go your separate ways. Like all seemingly good things, it didn’t last… at least not forever in this case. So you both take your stocks of the good and bad times and of what when wrong, how it went wrong amidst others. So both of you have donned the armour of that cold indifference that comes with the breakup or the divorce terrain. The calls and text had petered out and you are not even operating at the minimal efficiency of need-to-be acquaintance. For all intents and purpose, the coffin is nailed, lowered, and buried.
Then the unthinkable happened. You both accidentally meet at the neighborhood grocery store and civilly eye one another. A quiet hi and hello and then it started all over again. You could barely get home before you send that message thanking her for being so kind as to ask about how you are holding up with being out of a job. She sends you some job posters she’s seen on LinkedIn and offers to help you with your cover letter. You both meet up and it’s the beginning of unbridled emotions all over again.
This story sounds familiar? Well, love can happen all over again, but with the same person? How smart is it to re-date someone you had a romantic history with? Here are the six reasons you shouldn’t do so.
Life-Style Change: “Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be ― C. JoyBell C
Inevitably, change catches up with us all. It is the price we pay for renting our space in this cosmos. Humans though, resist it with all the vigorosity of a beached whale. The truth is, there isn’t much we can do about it. Your former lover has moved on, new interests, new friends, new endeavors, and fresh taste. You, of course, are still trudging the old path, believing you could somehow reignite the old flame. Your overtures won’t be kindly gazed upon and let’s say you are the exception to this rule,get ready to be shocked. You are not fitting into this changed lifestyle any time soon. In fact, you are an unwelcome obstruction to a new life, and soon you’ll get booted out into the cold embrace of heartbreak again.
Recreating Mistakes: “The dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.” — Nora Ephron
Ok, she’s accepted to have you back. You are elated and can’t wait to build your emotions up again, but hold your horses! Why did you guys quit in the first place, what went wrong? See it this way, your car doesn’t start up after a night parked in the garage. Your mechanic checks it up, changes a couple of fuses and the car wakes up back to life. So you head out, but the car stalls at the local store parking lot. You call your mechanic again; he changes the goddamn fuses again, and on your way you go only to have the car play out the earlier episodes. You didn’t fix the problem; you fixed the symptoms of the problem. What is causing the fuses to suddenly ‘act up’? Now ask yourself, why did your love boat sink ab initio. What didn’t you do or did? Are you ready to evolve beyond the problem or is your romantic Bentley going to stall…again?
Vindictiveness: Revenge is a double-edged sword- Chris Colfer.
Yea, are you trying to get ‘back in' to get ‘back at’ him for real and perceived sins? Are you getting him ready for a grand fall of epic proportions? Forgiveness is easily dished out when it’s all we have as an option, given other available choices like punishing the culprit, and then you know that you just might try to hurt him or her by hurting yourself. Getting back in to get at the culprit is not worth your peace.
Opportunity cost: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe
While you are gearing up for a second chance at her heart. How about you look around, just maybe you are been upended by your emotions. Someone around the corner that better fits into your emotional world may just have been in your space all this while. Instead of trying to get back 'in' while not stay 'out’. Why get punished for sins of the past. Get a fresh breath of air. These are exciting times with bright possibilities for a new spark. Your better half could just have been around you all this while. No one drives forward, staring into the rearview mirror!
Attractions to Destruction: “Never love anybody that treats you like you’re ordinary.” — Oscar Wilde
See the moth dancing around the candle flame? It’s the type of attraction to destruction syndrome that comes with wanting to get hurt again. When you feel that urge to get back in a relationship that was ordinary at best, emotionally draining, and or physically abusive, be sure to know that logic has taken a backseat while your emotion is doing the driving. It will probably end in premium tears. You might yet be unattached and that is the reason you believe that going back in is the smart thing to do. It is not. You need to critically re-evaluate your emotions and choices. Move on, keep that chapter closed.
Loss of self-control:“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” — Deborah Reber
The craving to get back with an Ex shows your inability to control yourself. If the other party doesn’t think you are worth the stress, why should you think otherwise. Wanting to force the issues simply means you are not in charge of you. You can’t control anyone, but you sure can control yourself. Remember that “The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can’t go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.” — Anonymous.
After all is said and done, a deliberate effort to stay away from toxic past relationships is the only way to stay safe from hurting yourself all over again.
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